My 2nd Opinion....

Well, it's been a long week and I needed a little break before sitting down to re-hash it all out:)
First let me start with my last appointment follow up. On Monday I had my last and final talk with my current doctor on the outcome of my IVF cycle. He said that I had only 2 good eggs from 3 follicles that they were tracking. (It's funny that he told me they were both good, because I remember him saying initially that the first egg wasn't great quality) Anyways, he said that my immunology looked really good. He was really surprised that it was so good with me being a Type 1 diabetic. He said there should have been a 60% chance that it wouldn't be good because of the diabetes. He also said that my uterus was great. My lining was 13mm....perfect! He thinks the reason that I didn't respond well to the medications was because of my previous endometriosis. He feels that a good chunk of my ovary was removed in my surgery in 2009, but mostly that the endometriosis probably damaged my ovaries a lot before I even had the surgery. Without the surgery that I had I probably wouldn't have conceived my beautiful daughter. So he thinks that it would be best to just try on our own over the next few months. They say that you have a "rebound" effect where your body responds well to fertility the first few months after a failed IVF cycle. This is because your body has taken all of the fertility drugs, aspirin, antibiotics, etc. If in 4 months we are not pregnant, he said he would do another IVF cycle with us, but that we shouldn't expect better results than the first time....meaning that we will only produce probably the same 2-3 follicles. It doesn't mean that they wouldn't fertilize the next time, but just that we would be spending a lot of money for very little increased odds....He even went as far out to say that we could possibly even consider DONOR EGGS.....but this is honestly not something that I am even will to consider at this point. I still have faith that I'm just not done on my own yet....call it a gut feeling.....

My 2nd Opinion!! I really enjoyed meeting my second doctor...we'll call him Dr. L. Dr. L was so personable. Not that my other wasn't....you know when you just have more of a connection with someone? Well Dr. L told me that if I had gone to any other IVF facility in the area where I live, that he might think they didn't do something right....but he said coming from the doctor that I went to....if he couldn't do it, than he wouldn't have better results.

The first thing he said when he came in the room is basically that he doesn't think doing another round of IVF would be worth it. He measured my ovaries. After the surgery the left one is 2/3's the size it should be and the right one is at about 80%. He said my uterus looks great as well! The best thing about Dr. L...he DIDN'T make me feel defeated! He brought up the potential too of Donor Eggs or not trying anymore, but neither one of these are options for me right now. Since Clomid didn't work for me he said there is another medicine that I can try in pill form (I keep forgetting the name) and that it works a bit better than clomid. He thinks we should do either this with an IUI OR the best option he thinks for us would be do do the IVF hormones again, but at a much lower dose and only once a day and then do an IUI with this. He thinks we should try this month on our own and then next month do the hormone shots and IUI. He thinks it would be good to do it right after the failed IVF because like the other doctor said, my body is primed and ready to go! Or the 3rd option is just to wait and let it happen naturally. It happened twice before so the good thing that we know is that I can get pregnant....now it's just a matter of how and when....

Honestly, I feel excited to still have options.  BUT, at the same time...I am Tired. Exhausted. Plainly....temporarily over it. I just need a break and guess what...I'm going to give myself one! I don't think one will ever Stop wanting it each month and still trying for it...but I just need a little break. My husband and I are going to go on a vacation!! We have the grandparents baby sitting our daughter for a week and we are taking some MUCH needed us time. I'm hoping this will allow us to refocus a little bit.

So now the next big decision is do we start hormone therapy next month again...or just let nature take it's course? One day at a time. I will continue to keep the blog updated and keep posting about our fertility adventure....it's a journey right now, not a destination! :)

Just taking a little break....

After the news that the IVF failed last week, the best thing I could do is to take a little break. I went to the house at the lake to spend time with my daughter. It was a difficult start to the week, but I am slowly feeling better:) I think this is because I've realized a couple of things....One- I'm not going to give up. Just because the doctor said it wouldn't work for me, doesn't mean I'm not going to try....and Two-this is the best time to appreciate what I already have and just enjoy every minute of every day with my beautiful daughter! (Even if she's going into her "Terrible Two's" and has been a pistol all week!) lol. In the end, everything has been worth it.

I still have the bad bruises on my stomach from the Lovenox. Purple, Black, Blue and Green! I look like I got mildly beat up on my tummy. Who know's how long that will take to go away?

I have my next appointment for another opinion on March 6th. I've been thinking about it a lot....maybe he'll just tell me the same thing? The doctor I went to made me feel that there were not any other options. How will I feel if I hear this news again? *Sigh* I just don't know...it will be frustrating I suppose. I know that most people think that since I have a child I shouldn't be worried about Infertility, or Sub-Fertility....but when you know how great it is and this is your full time job and you're told you may not have more of your own, it's very hard. I know many people don't even have one of their own and my hearts go out to those folks. I do honestly feel blessed for what I do have. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm being selfish for wanting another child? I even asked my husband that question the other day. His response to me was that it is OK to want something. He said that I shouldn't be so hard on myself because it is OK to want another child. It's just not up to us if it happens or not, so I still just have to focus on 1 day at a time. 

I'll keep things posted as we move along in a couple of weeks! And then it looks like my husband and I might be able to take a much needed vacation, just to get away and enjoy each other! :)

IVF Failed :(

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my story...it may only be a few of you, but maybe more and I hope that someone has felt some sense of comfort in reading it, allowing them to know that they're not alone.

Unfortunately I won't be able to tell you how the progesterone shots effect my diabetes because we found out today that our second egg didn't fertilize. The doctor called me himself this morning...as soon as I answered and heard his voice instead of a nurse on the other end, I knew it wasn't good news. He said that our first egg, though mature, just didn't overall look like a good egg. Our second egg was intermediate on the day of retrieval and didn't mature until the next day. Eggs only have a 70% chance of being fertilized and it didn't happen. :(

So what are the next steps? Well the doctor has told me that since I didn't respond well to the high dose of IVF medications, that IVF probably isn't a good thing for me to try again. He says that chances of natural pregnancy are high after taking all of these medications, so to "Get On It!" over the next 2-4 months:) Ok, those were technically my words:) hehe. From that point, we could try IVF again, but the chances are so slim, that we may want to consider donor eggs. I can honestly say that I am not ready for that option.

I feel so blessed to have 1 child, that if that is all God gives me, then I will be happy. It's not that I can say I will be happy and satisfied right off the bat, but I know it will come with time.....

I have also decided that though the doctor may say I'm done, I'm NOT. I've already scheduled a second opinion. For all I know the doctor will say the  same thing as the last doctor I went to, but at least I'm putting myself out there to try. If he says no too, then I will be able to figure out the next steps. The appointment isn't until March 6...which is 3 weeks away...but I promise to keep things posted as we move along in our Fertility Journey. Please feel free to comment or email me with any thoughts, questions, or just feelings. It is a Journey...that I will never take for granted, but take one day at a time:)

Retrieval..........

We had our retrieval yesterday. I haven't posted yet because I did not feel good afterwards...well actually, the relaxing medication they gave me felt very um...."Relaxing":) The only issue I had with the retrieval was a very sore throat afterwards. This is because of the oxygen being forced through my nose and into my throat while being knocked out. I am also having some minor cramping today, but didn't feel any issues yesterday.

They had me under a heated blanket before and after they put me out for the retrieval. I had my Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) on to check my sugars before and after. Before I kept my sugars a little elevated (140) just so I wouldn't get low during the procedure. It was perfect. Then after I gave myself a shot to bring myself down slightly. About an hour after the procedure I got an ERROR 1 notification on my CGM. After looking this up it means that my CGM is not calibrating and reading my sugars. They also gave me Tylenol for any potential cramping that I might have.  This is also something I found out can effect the CGM Sensor reading. It reacts with the protein that is on the sensor in some way shape or form, I'm not exactly sure how......I waited an hour like suggested from the Dexcom Website and put in a new sugar to calibrate, but after a couple of hours realized that it just wasn't reading correctly. It wasn't following the trends in my sugars, so I had to put in a new sensor. This one worked much better! Was it the heat or the medication that effected the sensor? I'm not sure, but something did!

So from the 3 follicles they only retrieved 2 eggs...and you know what, I was actually VERY excited about this. I was thinking there might not be anything so 2 was AWESOME!!! But then I got a phone call this morning that said one of them didn't make it:( They did ICSI on it yesterday because it was mature, but it didn't fertilize....:( The second egg didn't mature until this morning so they were doing ICSI on it today. I wont' know until tomorrow what happens with this little guy....

I can't say that I didn't have a minor breakdown today....it's hard, you only have 2 so you're thinking both will be awesome quality, right? Maybe I kind of feel like a failure? Why am I not producing more eggs? Why wasn't it good? But then a realization, that it is what it is...and there is nothing I can do to control it. For now I'm still taking my Lovenox and we'll wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Final Decision- Move Forward with IVF

After careful consideration we have decided to move forward with IVF and not an IUI. We figured that we've come this far, right? If the doctor doesn't think that I will respond any better to future IVF meds, why not go for it? If I have to do it again and get less follicle growth, I'll probably regret not going for it when they said I had 3 decent ones! So now, we just pray that there are eggs in each of the 3 follicles and that they are mature. Then that they fertilize and grow! And of course from there that it implants and that we have a baby:) (but I'm pretty sure that was a good assumption of what we want) lol

I go in tomorrow morning for the retrieval. I took a shot of HCG last night. I have seen some mild insulin resistance, but nothing major. I feel like my insulin resistance is more coming from a lack of exercise. I haven't been to the gym since the end of last week. I've been keeping my CGM on and just monitoring my sugars really closely. I have also started taking Lovenox (a blood thinner) They started me on this Saturday night. I've had some bruising from it, but once again no major issues with blood sugar control.

Tonight was the first night I haven't had to give myself a shot in a couple of weeks! So nice! But more will start again tomorrow night as long as things go well. They just had me take a Pepcid to reduce the acid in my stomach today and tomorrow am, as well as Reglan. I'm not sure what the Reglan does. I will ask again tomorrow.

I go in at 8am in the morning and the procedure is at 9am. 30min-1hr with -2hrs of recovery time. Please keep your positive thoughts with us that all goes smoothly!

IVF or IUI?? Even Lower Follicle Count

Let me start off by saying that that Ganirelix is driving me nuts! lol...Ever since I have started taking it I go through a period of insulin resistance during the day. It's usually in the afternoon, after lunch. Where it would normally take me 3-4 units to get my sugar down, I am taking about 10+! This has just been while I have been on the Ganirelix. I mentioned this to the doctor today and he was surprised to hear this because the Ganirelix is just a LH prohibitor.(My LH won't rise so I won't ovulate early)

At my follow up appointment today we found out that I only have 3 follicles that have grown....I really wish it were more. Because of this the doctor has once again brought up the idea of doing an IUI instead. I have been pregnant before which the doctor says that I have in my favor. If I hadn't ever been pregnant before, he would say 100% do the IVF. But because I have, he is thinking that we might be better off doing an IUI (Artificial Insemination), but he is leaving it up to us. The biggest advantage of doing an IUI would be that we would get up to 50% or more of our money back...and if it didn't work, we could put that towards trying again starting in April. But there is still a chance that the follicles that I have produced have at least ONE viable egg in it! And after that there are more variables against us....Is the egg mature? Will the egg fertilize? Will it grow? So it's a big decision....what do we decide to do? We've come this far, do we just go all the way?! I have until tomorrow to decide......

Ganirelix, Difficult Blood Sugars and Cancel the IVF??

I had an appointment yesterday to check my follicle count again. I'm still low at only 4. They were measuring at 10mm + though so that is good. To prevent ovulation from occurring, they started me on the Ganirelix again yesterday which to me = Blood Sugar Insanity!! I feel that I can finally conclude that the Ganirelix makes me quite a bit insulin resistant. I am supposed to be on it 1-2 more days after today and I'm mildly dreading it. It is taking much more insulin to come down from a high sugar. I even exercised today and I find myself having difficulties controlling my numbers.

Back to the low follicle count. I have another check up tomorrow. From this point we decide if moving to the next step of Egg Retrieval is the right thing to do, or do we just do an IUI? The doctor thinks as long as the follicles are still growing well tomorrow that we should plan for the retrieval. He thinks this is best because since I'm already on a high dose of medications, that I probably wouldn't respond better to stimulation meds again in the future (if that's what ends up having to happen) :( I have to say it is disheartening to realize that I don't have a strong egg reserve left. I am 33 years old, and never thought this would be something that I would have to deal with. So if we decided to continue with the IVF, there is a chance that any eggs they get may not fertilize and grow....but It Only Takes One....so there is Still a chance that this will work!!! I'm just doing my best to stay positive (even though the past couple of days have been really hard once I found out about the low follicle count). I'm keeping a smile on my face and see what happens after the appointment tomorrow!:)